I went back and forth about sharing my annual birthday post and the revelations I have come to over the last year of life, but eventually, I thought to myself, “Why not share?” After making the decision to take a hiatus last month, I felt stuck between a rock and a hard place. The year of 25 was, for the most part, an exceptional year for me; I traveled to England, France, Hawaii, and the Dominican Republic. I even explored Fredericksburg, Texas and returned to Washington D.C. after three years. Outside of traveling, I taught myself how to create and edit vlogs and ultimately settled on the vision I wanted for this blog and my YouTube channel. Even more importantly, I met the most perfect man that has only brought joy to my life since our first date. ❤ Overall, you could say the last year on this earth has been pretty amazing!! Until recently, that is.
I know no one anticipated what this year would be like. I was supposed to close out “The Year of Alexa” having completed a few more trips, including a birthday trip to San Juan, Puerto Rico. Instead, I celebrated my birthday at my parents’ house surrounded by the people I love with an abundance of food and tasty margaritas. So, why is it that by the time the night ended, I felt lower than I’d felt in a long time? Well, I only recently realized that I felt I had lost my purpose. When I had a moment to pause during my birthday celebration, I thought about the meaning of the year of 26 as I had done when I turned 24 and when I turned 25. And for the first time in a long time, it hit me how much it has affected me that I have no choice in planning my life at the moment. I am used to feeling mostly in control of my life, but now, I have no clue what intention I want to set for this year because I cannot see past tomorrow. To some, they may see this as an opportunity to finally live in the present, but truthfully, this still scares me.
The whole notion of “purpose” is subjective–some people find purpose in their jobs, in their home, within themselves, and the list goes on. I am constantly going back and forth about where to find mine: if I am spending most of my waking hours and life at a job, isn’t it important to feel it there? Do I only feel accomplished when I am met with a reward? Why do I no longer have any interests or hobbies that can fulfill me more than three days? What fuels me to wake up in the morning? Long story short, I haven’t figured it out even as I write this. What I do know is that getting back into writing, even if that means having to rethink and pivot the content for this blog for the foreseeable future, has sparked some motivation and excitement back into my life. Suddenly, I have all these ideas for how I believe I can keep you and myself entertained with fairly relevant content. Had I not made the decision to tune into the “STAY-CATION” webinar hosted by The Black Travel Summit last weekend, I would likely still be sitting around waiting for inspiration to strike and feeling hopeless. Who knows how long this feeling will last as all emotions are fleeting, but damn, does it feel good to be excited about something again!!
As we move into the near future, I will have more to bring you on my different channels. It may not be on a regular cadence that I successfully upheld for the first three months of the year, but I will provide whatever I can, whenever I can. That being said, if you aren’t already subscribed to my YouTube channel, now would be a good time. 🙂 I want to thank everyone who has remain subscribed and to the new followers I gained even during a time where I was not active. It’s amazing that two weeks ago I wanted to quit and shut it all down. Though life isn’t about a follower-count, the response I receive from you all to my work shows me that I should keep going. Since having this time to slow down and spend an arguably uncomfortable amount with myself and my own thoughts, I have learned that there can be beauty in not having control all of the time. 24 was the year of letting go, 25 was most certainly “The Year of Alexa,” so maybe 26 is the year of transition.
Photography by Fernando G Trueba