25 & Feelin’ Alive

Ever since I can remember, I have always been excited to be 25. I didn’t have any feelings about 18 and even 21 didn’t feel significantly different. But something about 25 always felt complete. Now that I am 25, I can feel a difference, but I also know this change has been developing over the first four months of the year.

These days, my priority is learning to be unapologetically myself. Though I continue to freak out about little things, I am trying to develop it as a habit. I am undoing a decade’s worth of ‘performing’ for others. I somehow convinced myself that if I act how I think others want me to act (read: agreeable), people will like me, but that has never proven to be true. Instead, I was left with empty relationships wondering why they were not reciprocated and instead focusing on what I could do to convince them they need me in their life. This led to many, many mistakes and countless heartbreaks. Why should I convince someone they need me? How does it benefit me to beg someone to keep me in their life? It sounds like common sense, but once you get stuck in a pattern, it’s hard to pull yourself out. Now, I can see more clearly.

When I was picking a senior quote in high school, I settled on a different quote than my first choice by Judy Garland; I should have followed my gut because my first choice is now more resonant than ever:
Always be a first-rate version of yourself instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”

I like to think this quote burrowed itself in my subconscious because I knew there would come a time when I needed to be reminded of it: that time is now. I must admit that sometimes I catch myself wondering which part of my personality is really mine or, instead, long-term adaptations of people who have come and gone throughout my life. The important thing, however, is to focus on the person I am now and the person I aspire to be.

I know 25–and life after–is not going to be smooth-sailing, but I am looking forward to the new challenges in this next quarter of life. I am excited for bigger changes and pushing myself out of my comfort zone as I start to love and accept myself for who I am. I have wasted the bulk of my 25 years on Earth hiding, both literally and figuratively. But now is the time to have courage and live in my own skin.

I have absolutely no idea what happens next or why I even expect that something will happen. All I know is that if 24 marked the year of letting go, 25 marks the year of new beginnings. Or better known as, “The Year of Alexa.”

xx, AE

2 thoughts on “25 & Feelin’ Alive

  1. Congratulations on a reaching a milestone! All of my 20’s were fabulous! As was my 30’s.
    Your blog was mentioned to me and I’m glad I came to check it out.
    About not having someone to travel with because their schedule doesn’t necessarily bend to yours, there are travel groups (all women, co-ed, or comprised of any community that you can name) that you can join to travel with.

    There is also solo travel which some people absolutely love. It’s not my favorite but I love traveling so much, if it comes down to it, I’ll travel solo. I travel a lot domestically due to work (have been to 49 states) and by default it’s mostly solo travel, Next month, I’m going to Central Europe solo for pleasure travel. It will be my first trip to central Europe and I’ll be visiting three countries. I’ll post the pics on IG. #kimlucyjones.

    From a fellow travel sis, Happy Travels!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my goodness–I am so sorry for the late reply! I never got a notification for this comment. Thank you so much for your kind words, Kim! Yes, I have seen a few Facebook groups for women who travel and I am definitely becoming more comfortable with the idea of traveling with people I do not know personally, if only for the experience. We all know that if you wait for other people to travel with, you’ll be waiting forever! I just followed you on Instagram, so I can’t wait to see your travels to central Europe so I can get some inspiration. Thank you so much for visiting my page! 🙂

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