It is my favorite time of year. Fall (Autumn if you’re not from the states) is not only a time where I feel my wardrobe truly comes to life, but there are also many events that bring my friends and family together. Not sweating everyday is also a plus. But I too know this time of year is very hard for some people; between the sun going down a lot earlier and holidays not being a happy time for everyone, the colder months often bring on sadness and depressive thoughts.
So far, my fall has been off to a weird start. I have run into some major impasses which have definitely thrown me for a loop, to say the least. They have managed to knock my faith in many things I never previously had issues with. If you know me, I definitely try to be a realist and rationalize or make logical sense of almost everything; however, I also try to see the good in everything, even when I’m anticipating the worst. Unfortunately, finding ‘the good’ has been quite difficult for me these days.
Things I was previously excited about have me wondering when the other shoe is going to drop. I find myself reflecting on everything that has happened between now and last October–a particularly dark time in my life. I fluctuate between tension, nausea, and an overall mental state that I can only describe as melancholy. But that’s why I decided to write this post. Aside from needing an outlet to get these feelings off of my chest, I thought it might help just one person to know they are not alone.
If I had to sum up this past year, it would probably be what most people from the baby-boomer generation consider becoming an adult: all things related to money, paying attention to what is in writing, and deciding what actually deserves your time and energy. While I am definitely still finding a balance, the speed at which things have been happening are teaching me that nothing is set in stone and that you just have to roll with the punches sometimes. Without change–good or bad–we never learn to adapt. I have never wanted to get stuck in my ways, despite what my zodiac sign might say, and in order to stick to that, I have to change my way of thinking.
We live in the time of social media, a.k.a. everyone’s highlight reel. You can easily end up comparing yourself to others and wondering what you are doing with your life while others seem to be living the best version of theirs. Not to mention, the colder months seem to have an underlying focus on being in a romantic relationship. While this time of year can be quite festive, it can also cause people to feel lonely or other versions of sadness. But at some point, we have to remind ourselves that we have some control in the way we perceive things.
While I know what I am feeling won’t go away overnight, I know that eventually I will feel better and I need to focus on that. It can feel like the end of the world when a lot of things are changing at the same time and not in the way you want them to, but it isn’t really. I will have to remind myself daily that I am only 23 and I will have all sorts of things to worry about for the rest of my life. No sense is driving myself up the wall now, is there? So I have decided to just move forward because that is something I have control over.
I’m sure I have written about some of this before, but I think it is important to cross the same paths every now and then. It’s not to say the fall and winter months cause grievance for everyone, but it is simply to say that no matter what age we are, some things that we thought we ‘fixed’ tend to come back around and that that is okay. It is all about what you decide to take away from these moments and choosing not to let it define or consume you. You will be surprised at how resilient you can be when you take things head-on.
xx, AE
Lex in the City 