Let’s Get Personal

I have been apprehensive to write this post. It is never easy opening up about personal struggles especially in a world where people my age have so much. I can already feel and hear the “What do you have to complain about? Millennials always want something for nothing,” sneers, but this is not complaining–this is a validation of my own feelings and experiences. I knew that I had been wanting to write something more personal while I have been on a second fly-atus, and funnily enough, it took listening to a track off of Ariana Grande’s new album, Sweetener, called “get well soon” to push me to write it. So today, I want to open up about where I have been mentally in the last three or so months.

I tried to articulate my feelings about my life in a post last year, but I have since deleted that post because I felt that I focused too much on trying to make it translatable to my readers rather than just being honest. However, I feel exactly the same now as I did then: stuck, disappointed, and unmotivated. I find myself in this mood more often in the summer months which really is a contrast to the common feelings toward summer: happiness, freedom, fun, etc. For me, it is a time when I am reminded of my physical insecurities which makes me feel uncomfortable in my clothes; which prevents me from wanting to socialize; which makes me stay indoors by myself; which further leads me down a spiral of being stuck with my negative thoughts about my choices with my life.

In a reflection about turning 24, I discuss how I am learning to accept that my youth is not over. People my age, including myself, freak out about getting closer to 30 because we have idealized that 30 is the age when everything should be in place. When you realize that 18 and 30 are the same distance away from 24, you are reminded of how much time has passed and how quickly you have been catapulted into a life of responsibility and routine. So when I am currently spending my three-day weekends sitting at a friend’s house in a different state (which is not as common as people think) or sitting at home doing absolutely nothing, I am torn between enjoying relaxing, and feeling guilty for not being out and living life to the fullest as a young 20-something. These feelings of confusion over what I “should be” doing are not new. Continue reading “Let’s Get Personal”

Pre-Departure

Pre-Departure

Disclaimer: No pictures.

It’s hard to believe that three and a half years just flew by. I remember move-in day like it was yesterday and now it’s the final move-out day. I must say, three and a half years ago I imagined this day would be heartwrenching and I would have found any reason to stay near USC, but honestly, I have only grown increasingly ready to be done with college and to leave L.A. even more. College wasn’t what I thought it was going to be. I spent a lot of it truly unhappy. However, with all of those unfortunate times came really important lessons that leave me here ready to start a new chapter of my life. Continue reading “Pre-Departure”

Curtain Call

Curtain Call

In the midst of the most stressful weeks I’ve ever endured academically, it was a particularly meaningful week for me. This week, I had my final dance performance at SC and as a college student overall. When my friend Alex told me he had an idea to start a small, lowkey dance project (also known as Lipstick Mafia) this semester with some of my old teammates, I was extremely excited! I never realized how much I missed dancing until that first practice. Having our last performance at danSCollab this past Thursday was such a bittersweet moment. We had the opportunity to perform for Freshman Danceoff the night before which really made the experience come full circle, despite not participating in Danceoff during my freshman year. I loved being back on stage and performing for an audience, but I am more importantly going to miss being part of a team with people who really shaped my college experience and who I am overall. Continue reading “Curtain Call”