Last week, my boyfriend shared someone’s tweet on his Instagram story that asked people to stop telling others that they have to love themselves in order to be worthy of love in return. We all know the saying that if you do not love yourself, how can you love someone else? It has gained increasing criticism as people realize there is a negative element that can be tied to this saying. It can suggest that you have to unpack all of your baggage and trauma before anyone can love you. But it’s scenarios like this that always remind me that studying communication will always be relevant and interesting. Intent, interpretation, and impact can completely obscure a message. In my experience, this saying has impacted me the opposite way and I will explain why.
Recently, I did a video as part of my Lex Behind the Lens series on my YouTube channel about knowing your worth. It surprisingly gained a lot of traction compared to the performance of my previous videos, but it was the first thing I thought of when I was reading this on his story. Another recent occurrence was that I ended a friendship after discovering this person was inherently not someone I wanted to continue befriending. To protect this post from derailing from the point, I will not express further why that friendship ended (if you know, you know), but I would not have been able to do that or feel confident enough to create a video about knowing my worth had I not been on a self-love journey for the last three years.
Before you ask, yes, that is me in 2009 either having an existential crisis or marveling the fact that I am on the shores of Barcelona on my first international trip. And yes, I am wearing a scarf I eventually owned in a variety of colors as well as the only item I purchased for myself on that trip: a basic white zip hoodie from the first H&M I ever set foot in in Paris. My parents were sad that I didn’t think I could spend the money they gave me and walked away with that €12 jacket as my only memento of that trip. Not photographed: my Ed Hardy tote. What a time.
Every time I think of 2020, I am instantly filled with excitement because it is not only a new year, it is a new DECADE, honey! Though I have obviously experienced a couple of new decades in my lifetime, this one feels different. It feels like the ultimate fresh start. But I couldn’t wipe the slate clean without looking back on some big highlights of the last 10 years: Continue reading “10 Highlights of the 2010’s”→
I have been apprehensive to write this post. It is never easy opening up about personal struggles especially in a world where people my age have so much. I can already feel and hear the “What do you have to complain about? Millennials always want something for nothing,” sneers, but this is not complaining–this is a validation of my own feelings and experiences. I knew that I had been wanting to write something more personal while I have been on a second fly-atus, and funnily enough, it took listening to a track off of Ariana Grande’s new album, Sweetener, called “get well soon” to push me to write it. So today, I want to open up about where I have been mentally in the last three or so months.
I tried to articulate my feelings about my life in a post last year, but I have since deleted that post because I felt that I focused too much on trying to make it translatable to my readers rather than just being honest. However, I feel exactly the same now as I did then: stuck, disappointed, and unmotivated. I find myself in this mood more often in the summer months which really is a contrast to the common feelings toward summer: happiness, freedom, fun, etc. For me, it is a time when I am reminded of my physical insecurities which makes me feel uncomfortable in my clothes; which prevents me from wanting to socialize; which makes me stay indoors by myself; which further leads me down a spiral of being stuck with my negative thoughts about my choices with my life.
In a reflection about turning 24, I discuss how I am learning to accept that my youth is not over. People my age, including myself, freak out about getting closer to 30 because we have idealized that 30 is the age when everything should be in place. When you realize that 18 and 30 are the same distance away from 24, you are reminded of how much time has passed and how quickly you have been catapulted into a life of responsibility and routine. So when I am currently spending my three-day weekends sitting at a friend’s house in a different state (which is not as common as people think) or sitting at home doing absolutely nothing, I am torn between enjoying relaxing, and feeling guilty for not being out and living life to the fullest as a young 20-something. These feelings of confusion over what I “should be” doing are not new. Continue reading “Let’s Get Personal”→
It’s hard to believe that three and a half years just flew by. I remember move-in day like it was yesterday and now it’s the final move-out day. I must say, three and a half years ago I imagined this day would be heartwrenching and I would have found any reason to stay near USC, but honestly, I have only grown increasingly ready to be done with college and to leave L.A. even more. College wasn’t what I thought it was going to be. I spent a lot of it truly unhappy. However, with all of those unfortunate times came really important lessons that leave me here ready to start a new chapter of my life. Continue reading “Pre-Departure”→