Out With the Old, In With the New

If you are on the internet constantly, I’m sure you have been seeing the trend of ‘ins and outs’ for 2024. This might be pretty niche, but is anyone else hearing Maya Angelou’s voice in Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Family Reunion when she’s reading that poem at the wedding? …maybe it’s just me.

2024 is a year I expect to be transformative for me. As you all know, I got engaged last fall and I’m planning a wedding this year. With the drop off of annual posts, you may not know I am also turning 30 this year. Those two events happening in one year have already proven that I will be experiencing growing pains all year. Did I also mention I realized that this is the last year I will be Alexa Edwards? More on that in a different post, but yeah–a lot is happening in a short amount of time.

Being naturally adverse to change, I have been working over the last couple of months (alone and with my therapist) to transition out of the ideation (read: what if?) phase and into the action phase. What helps me get in that mindset is giving myself a little slogan or reminder which I’ve decided will be “Peace over grief.” If I reflect on the last 12 years of adulthood, I would say grief has been a dominant theme. I will expand further on this at a later time, but overall, I want to walk into this new chapter (or really book) of my life prioritizing my personal peace rather than constantly giving myself grief as I have been over the years. With peace over grief in mind, here are my ins and outs:

IN:
1. Designating rest time/a rest day
2. Listening to my body (mentally and physically)
3. Setting boundaries
4. Self-confidence
5. Reciprocating energy
6. Trust
7. Releasing control
8. Delegating

OUT:
1. Overextending myself
2. Being a ‘yes’ person
3. Over-explaining myself
4. Noise
5. Inconveniencing myself for others
6. Making myself small
7. Overconsumption
8. Guilt

I notice the central theme between my ins and outs is prioritizing myself. A large part of my unhappiness in life is how much I give and give and give only to find out there are many things (and people) that are comfortable to take and take and take. When I say I give, I mean in the context of my energy, time, attention, emotional bandwidth, and so on. I am constantly inconveniencing myself for the comfort of others in all areas of my life and, again, it just leaves me in a position of grief and, frankly, burnout. By allowing myself to just be Alexa and take back control of my own life, I can only become an even better person to others, but more importantly, to myself.

To achieve this, I have to set boundaries, release control, and trust that what is meant for me will be for me. I need to trust the people around me as much as I trust myself. I need to delegate when I am drowning and listen to my body when it’s time to stop and rest. How can I show up as my best self when I’m burning the candle at both ends? I am at my best when I create balance and I can never be balanced if I keep overextending myself. The hardest part of it all is by nature, I am an empathetic person. At work, we took an assessment called CliftonStrengths which is a reflection of your innate ‘strengths’ and Empathy is number one for me. Part of my mission with trust, however, is trusting that choosing to prioritize myself more moving forward will not affect who I am innately. For example, when others are at their worst, I always go out of my way to provide support and reassurance even if I am on the brink of breaking down myself; sadly, the same is rarely done for me. Now, I need to reciprocate the energy that is given to me or I will never be free of that harmful cycle. I need to grasp that I will not lose that compassionate touch I have with others just because my role that they are used to me being in their lives is shifting. Therefore, I should not feel guilt about it either. I am of no good to anyone if I am not living authentically.

The habits I plan to develop in 2024 are more a foundation for the woman I want–and have wanted–to become for the rest of my life. I have written about many of these themes before saying that I’m going to make a change and eventually fell back into old habits. Enough has happened now that I’m tired, y’all. I am tired of giving so much power to the noise in my life and I am ready to be confident in deciding what is best for me. It’s time to stop waiting because time waits for no one. I once declared The Year of Alexa and that’s exactly what that year was. But why limit this experience to one year? Above anything else, I owe it to myself to enjoy my whole life. If these ins and outs are small stepping stones for me to get there, then let’s do it.

Happy New Year!
xx, AE