My Social Break and How It Affected My Goals for 2019

On December 3rd, I made a decision to quiet my mind for the last month of 2018. This meant less of anything that caused my thoughts–specifically negative thoughts–to run rampant in order to give myself a mental break. There are things I cannot avoid like having to interact and be ‘on’ at work, but when I get home, I try to do whatever I can that allows me to be productive without making my mind spiral. As recently written, I am finally delving into the causes for my depression and seemingly increasing levels of anxiety. But in order to do this, I needed to almost fully break down. I intentionally retreated for most of December and part of my retreat was disabling my social media.

I did not deactivate my Facebook or Snapchat because they do not give you an option to temporarily deactivate, so I just deleted the apps from my phone. Instagram, however, does give you an option to temporarily disable so I did that as well as deleting the app from my phone. It’s funny because despite the content I create and how much I enjoy sharing it, I barely spent any time on social media in terms of engagement. I only view what my closest friends are posting and then I close the apps. But that’s kind of weird, isn’t it? I don’t scroll or engage with other people because I don’t want to see what people are doing. I already know that it will cause me to start comparing my life to others’, despite my logical side completely refuting it. So, I avoid it altogether. That’s just…not good.

I am a product of my generation, so I ended up signing back in on December 30th to share my most recent project. I wrote part of this post ahead of time in anticipation of having a list of new revelations from the break; however, I found myself re-reading what I wrote on my first post of 2018 and realizing I am in the exact same position, if not worse. I am not going to sit here and talk about how disappointed I am that I did not commit to making things better for myself this past year. I wish I had a list of things that I concretely learned this past month from being ‘disconnected.’ Instead, I am making a decision that I no longer want or need to do better–I have to. I will say, if I learned anything from this break it is that my journey to love and acceptance (in all forms) is going to be a long, strenuous but necessary process. No matter how I write it, there will be people who do not understand or cannot relate to what I am talking about, but what others think is slowly becoming less of a priority.

If 2018 was the year of letting go, 2019 is the year of closure. I pride myself in recognizing my shortcomings and I hope plan to look back this time next year and say, “Look how far I’ve come.”

xx, AE

Good Riddance, 2017

Am I the only one who is extremely happy to be in the new year?

I know the first day of the new year is really like any other day, but I am one of those who believes it to symbolize a new beginning. If you have been keeping up with my blog at all, especially my posts that weren’t about traveling, you could tell I struggled mentally last year. I felt lost, disappointed, and even like a total failure for most of the year. Naturally, these feelings did not suddenly disappear as the new year got closer, but I’m finally at a point where I can recognize (and appreciate) that some great things came out of last year too:

  1. My parents kindly gifted me with a new car
  2. I got a job after eight months of being unemployed
  3. camped for the first time
  4. I purchased a DSLR (Nikon D5600)
  5. I traveled to six new cities, one being international
  6. I went to two concerts and a musical (Ariana Grande, Jingle Ball 2017, Kinky Boots)
  7. I joined the newsletter committee on my team at work
  8. I strengthened my relationship with my mom exponentially
  9. I started video editing
  10. I stopped feeding into unhealthy and one-sided relationships

Those are just the main, compact-version of the highlights of 2017, and while they may be simple, they brought me pure, uninterrupted joy. Continue reading “Good Riddance, 2017”

Starting Anew

Happy New Year, my loves!

We’re two days in and I am so excited about this new year. It warms my heart to hear and read about how many other people are too! I saw a text post online that said,” 2015 definitely had a part one and a part two.” I couldn’t agree more with this statement. The first half of 2015 was the best time of my entire life thus far as I spent a semester abroad in London. I believed my summer and fall semester would follow suit. It’s not that positive things did not happen, but it was definitely more challenging and, frankly, exhausting. Still, the events of last year have made me feel that it was overall a preparation year for what’s to come in 2016. Continue reading “Starting Anew”