30 Lessons For My Thirties

You read that right: my thirties. As of May 9th, I am officially part of the 30 Club.

It’s amazing that I have been writing on this blog for so many years–I had 16 lessons from 2016, reflections from when I turned 25, and now here we are. So, so much has happened just in the last six to eight months alone, but I want to look back on my adulthood overall. The last 12 years of being an adult have been…fairly depressing. From the outside looking in, and even from the inside looking in, I have done and accomplished a lot: went to a prestigious university, studied and worked in London, obtained a master’s degree while working full-time, traveled to multiple countries and cities, legendary concerts, once-in-a-lifetime experiences, and to top it all off, meeting the love of my life. So why would I describe that as depressing? Because I could have and should have done more.

I’m not talking about accomplishments, success, or any other word along these lines. I’m saying that while I have done more than the average person, I know that I could have elevated these experiences if I didn’t live in so much fear. Everything I’ve ever done–and I do mean everything–always has an unnecessary, overwhelming amount of stress, guilt, and fear that I put purely on myself. You see pictures of me smiling on trips, but you don’t see the panic attacks and sleepless nights from me obsessing that something terrible is going to happen. You read about my experiences, but you don’t hear the negative thoughts in my head on if I’m being self-important by assuming people want to see what I’m doing. This isn’t the first time I’ve written about the pressure I put on myself and my battle with anxiety. It’s a lifelong battle, but turning 30 just has that effect where you start looking back on what you’ve done and what you now want to do in this next phase of life.

As I close the chapter on my 20s, here is what I want to take with me (in no particular order):

1. You are not the center of anyone else’s universe.
2. Prioritize people that prioritize you.
3. Wear your sunscreen!
4. Mental health is, has always been, and will always be important.
5. Being a people pleaser will only bring you grief.
6. Money comes and goes.
7. A well-lived and well-loved life is not meant to fit an aesthetic.
8. Stop waiting on others to do what you want to do.
9. Every day is an opportunity to start over.
10. Tell people how you feel!
11. Life is short, so make time for something you enjoy every day.
12. Take more and more and more pictures.
13. Say “I love you” to as many people that deserve it.
14. No response is still a response.
15. You can outgrow people, places, and things.
16. Heartbreak doesn’t just happen in romantic relationships.
17. Give yourself grace.
18. Practice an attitude of gratitude.
19. Always ask, never assume.
20. Use your PTO.
21. Stop asking for permission.
22. As Marie Kondo says, “Ask yourself, does it spark joy?”
23. Keep moving your body for as much and as long as you can.
24. Drink more water.
25. One thing at a time, one day at a time.
26. When in doubt, ask, “Am I honoring myself?”
27. Don’t let anyone police what you do or say.
28. Nothing should ever feel forced.
29. If you want to make things more fun, add a theme.
30. Celebrate, celebrate, celebrate!

Many lessons on this list are cliche, but they have become so relevant as I’ve gotten older. Some lessons have been so impactful on the way I’ve chosen to move forward with my life. The way I respond to things, the amount and type of energy I give to situations and people, the way I re-prioritize different facets of my life–they have all coincidentally been challenged during my wedding planning process, of all things. But that’s a post for another day. Even though these are lessons that I have learned or want to learn, I hope that something on this list resonates with anyone reading this. These are not just lessons for 30, but lessons for a healthier life.

My peace over grief mantra has continued to act as a guiding light this year, and it brings me joy knowing that having a simple mantra can redirect my focus and my emotions. I really have burnt myself out over the last 12 years by allowing fear, stress, anxiety, etc. to be the dominant feeling when encountering new experiences, challenges, and sometimes just every day tasks. I know I can’t ~release my inhibitions~ overnight, but sometimes you get to a point where you say, “I have nothing left to give,” and you feel yourself really start to let go. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, we have one life to live.

I want to thank everyone who wished me a happy birthday and who has been along for the ride on this blog all these years! I’m still working on the rebrand, but it’s coming. It’s a big year of change for me, but all positive change as I continue to remind myself when the anxious feelings start creeping in. Let’s see where the next 30 years takes us!

xx, AE